We Don't Fight Fair
by Miss Sassy
Summary: Oneshot. It's not fair so much can bring her down, and only one person to bring her back up. Alicia-centric, cracky pairing.


**A/N** **This is just a quick oneshot I thought of when I was listening to music on a five-hour drive home. Crack pairing=yes. Review. Let's be friends.**

**How to Destroy Alicia Rivera**

**Step One: Stuff her in a car with Massie Block and her little minion, Claire Lyons.**

"'Morning Alicia," Massie says, not allowing her eyes to sway from the magazine in her hands, a nameless model glaring blankly from the cover. At least, not allowing her eyes to sway until she looked up at Claire and raised one eyebrow. Claire giggled, and Alicia saw her sneak a glance at Alicia's dark wash jeans.

"What?" Alicia couldn't help but ask.

"Well, before you got on, Massie said how she was sure..." Claire's voice trailed off as Massie sent her a glare. "I mean, I thought that maybe you would wear...yout hair down today. And I was right!"

"Yeah, that's hilarious," Alicia managed sarcastically. She wore her hair down almost everyday.

"Isn't it?" Massie said, looking up from the magazine to run her eyes up and down along Alicia outfit. She clicked her tongue in a disapproving way. "The tops kinda cute, but the jeans..." That sent Claire off into another set of giggles.

Alicia never did find just what was wrong with the jeans she wore. But, just in case, she never wore them again.

**Step Two: Sit her down in a classroom with Kristen Gregory.**

When Mr. Drew assaigned a project that involved finding the variables using the quadratic formula, Alicia wished that she hadn't missed the last class. But she had, and there was no going back now. The classroom sounded as if it was full of bees as the problem in front of them was discussed. Turning to her right, she tapped Kristen on the shoulder.

"Um, Kristin? Can you help me with the first problem?"

"Sure. So, you first have to put _a_, _b_, and _c _into the formula." Alicia had already done that. She wasn't _that_ stupid.

"So," Kristen continued, "you have _x_ equals negative _b_...no, when _b_ is negative already, it becomes a positive," she said, annoyance hinted in her voice as she reached across the desk to make the correction on Alicia's paper. "There. And now..." she continued, writing in letters and number so fast it made Alicia's head hurt.

"There. Get it?" Feeling ashamed to do anything but nod, she put her pencil to paper and pretended to be completely engrossed in the next problem.

Alicia got a 42 on that assaignment.

**Step Three: Set her up on a lunch date with Dylan Marvil (with special guest star Derrick Harrington, of course).**

Sitting down at the table where Dylan already had three slices of extra cheese pizza sitting readily on the table, Alicia grabbed one and bit out of it.

"Sure you want one? It's extra cheese, which equals extra fat," Dylan whined in her best Massie impression. Alicia smiled though the pizza. Massie would have a cow if she knew that they met up regularly and pigged out, seriously disrupting the Pretty Committee's exercise and Eat Right program, or the Pretty Committee's EER program.

So, if she chose to go to this meeting, what part of it secretly hurts her?

The prompt appearance of Dylan Marvil's perfect boyfriend.

Dylan and Derrick squeezed together on one side of the booth. They were obviously happy, and about as much in love as you could be at fourteen.

Alicia left the pizzeria that day and cried for the want to be so publically in love.

**How To Repair Alicia Rivera**

**Step One:** **Send her to her favorite place in the world.**

Alicia let a disturbingly loud bassline pound from her headphones as she ran as fast as she could, which really wasn't very fast. She couldn't resist the urge to lip synch the 3OH!3 song that was playing as a smile played up her lips. She was uncontrollably happy that he was home. _Finally._ She was there. She stopped as she reached the end of the driveway to catch her breath before walking up the stairs. She didn't bother re-tying the messy ponytail she had hastily tied before she started running here, or wiping the sweat off her face, or even straightening the gray Octavian Country Day hoodie she had thrown on.

He answered the door.

* * *

No, it isn't fair. It isn't fair that it take three steps to tear her down, yet, only Dune Baxter to build her back up. We just don't fight fair.


End file.
